MAN CRUSH OF THE MONTH: JUNE

JUNE 2010
JOEL MCHALE



Anytime you are discussing a topic as uncomfortable as "The Man Crush" I think it's best to keep it as brief as possible. So I intend to do just that, but aside from writing, producing, hosting and practically resurrecting one of the best and funniest shows on TV, (The Soup), Joel McHale has plenty other resume builders that make him worthy of this month's man crush. Here are some quick facts you may or may not know:



Joel Mchale stands 6'4" and was a walk-on tight end for The University of Washington Huskies football team.
He Is currently staring in a sitcom along side Chevy Chase called "Community" which is pretty funny and definitely worth checking out. (Thanks Seth & Chrissy)



With the exception of habitually wearing super slim ties he is one of the best, if not the best dressed host on television today.
Also in recent years he has gotten pretty ripped and now has pecks bigger than my head.



Joel should be considered the poster child for all men with thinning and or receding hairlines, (like myself), on how to embrace and style your hair.
In addition to all his other roles he is also a successful stand-up comedian and is further proof that you don't need to rely on annoying, overdramatic physical comedy to make your act.. Dane Cook anyone?
He had a supporting role in one of my favorite films of 2009, the grossly underrated The Informant!
Maybe the best thing Joel brings to the table is his weekly onslaught of reality show, lowlife, trendy celebrities like Paris Hilton, The Hills cast, Jon & Kate Gosselin, the Kardashian's, and of course, his distaste for Ryan Seacrest.



Joel Mchale is one of the proud few taking up arms in the fight against Hollywood's finest tabloid fodder. And for that, he is this month's Man Crush.

FASHION TIP OF THE MONTH: JUNE

"MENS SUMMER HAIRSTYLE"



As of last week summer has officially started. Unfortunately almost always lost in the shuffle of planing vacations, camping trips, bbq’s, parties, etc., is mens hair. I think for the most part because fashion, style, and grooming aren’t at the top of most men’s priority list. It usually ends up falling completely by the wayside. For most all men, getting a haircut is more of an inconvenience and a burden than anything else. It costs money, it takes time, it just grows back, and you usually don’t care all that much how it looks anyway, as long as it is easy to style in a few seconds during your morning rush.
I think it is safe to say that most men wait way too long to get their hair cut. The truth is that men should be getting their hair cut once every three weeks; the best haircut is the haircut that goes unnoticed. If someone says “hey, I like your haircut” or “did you just cut your hair?” that’s a bad thing. Getting your haircut every three weeks will help you keep year round attractive hair without the hideous “grown out” phase.
Most guys procrastinate and allow their hair to grow out to the point that they, themselves, or their girlfriend/wife can’t stand it any longer. At this point they will then concede and finally give in to getting a haircut, but by then it’s been a month or two so the haircut is so drastically different that it would be impossible to not have people notice. Then this cycle continues and it’s rinse and repeat every few months.
Great news guys: It’s summertime and I have the perfect solution for you. It’s something I like to call the “Buzz & Scruff” hairstyle. What is it you ask? It is a haircut & facial hair combo that aside from being as low maintenance as it gets, it’s also the perfect haircut for the summer heat, very inexpensive, extremely high fashion. And the best part is it can be completed by a skilled technician, (yourself), in the courtesy of your own home, and is guaranteed to improve your look.

Throughout this post I will be interjecting a variety of celebrity photo testimonials of their before and after "Buzz & Scruff" hairstyle improvement.

- David Beckham







THINGS YOU’LL NEED
Electric hair clippers with attachment clip guards, one or two wall or handheld mirrors, scissors, a towel, and the hand-eye coordination of a child.

- Paul Walker





PREPPING
Choose an area inside or outside of your house that has access to an outlet and preferably a mirror. If you have an amazingly fit body (much like myself) take off your shirt and drape a towel around your neck, it is also fine to just leave your shirt on and drape the towel over it and around your neck.

- John Mayer













THE HAIRCUT
Based on the current length of your hair and how thick and corse it is you may need to start by using scissors to cut your hair to an inch or two in length so that it is easier for the clippers to cleanly run through and cut the hair.
Depending on the desired length, attach either the #3 clip or the #4 clip to the clippers. Any other size attachment clip can leave your hair looking either too short or too long. If you have a receding hairline I recommend using the #2 clip. Remember it’s a buzz haircut we are going for here. You will only be using one clip for the entire haircut. When you are finished it should all be one length.
Slowly run the clippers from the front of your head to the back of your head in even strokes repeating often and when necessary. It is important to use the extra mirror to check the sides and back of your head and to make sure that everything is evenly cut. Be sure to spend extra time on the harder to reach areas around your ears and the back of your neck. It is best If you have someone to remove the clip and help you tighten up around your ears and straiten your neckline. This is one of the few and only times that self administered haircuts from home are a good idea.

- Matthew Fox










FACIAL HAIR STUBBLE/SCRUFF
This is a key aspect and is almost as important as the haircut itself. The haircut and facial hair go hand-in-hand on this; one can’t go without the other. Much like a valued rug that “really ties the room together,” the facial hair is an essential piece of the puzzle that should tie “the look” together. Your face should never be clean shaven. Having a little facial hair will give your face more shape and character. The ultimate goal is to have the stubble/scruff give off the impression that maybe you care.. maybe you don’t. It should never look unkept or be mistaken for the beginning stages of a beard, opt for five o’clock shadow or just a little longer. For some, using the same clippers with no clip guard on your face once or twice a week will accomplish this look,. Others that have to shave daily and grow facial hair more rapidly, may need to purchase a beard trimmer and use one of the lower setting on your face once a day.
Last but not least, as you can see, this is the perfect style for anyone tired of constant razor burn.

- Robert Downey Jr.









LOW MAINTENANCE
Not only will this hairstyle quickly improve your current look, but it really is the lazy man’s hairstyle. There is no need to style or use any hair products. It is one of the only hairstyles that look great and only requires towel drying. It really is the best of both worlds. With this hairstyle you should be buzzing your hair once a week to keep it looking clean cut and well kept.

- Justin Timberlake





LOW COST
With this hairstyle you no longer have to take time out of your busy schedule to make an appointment, drive somewhere out of your way, spend twenty to thirty dollars you don’t have, all for a less-than-average haircut. For the same amount of money you spend for one or two haircuts, you can buy a new full set of hair clippers. This is a classic look that works for all ages and doesn’t only have to be seasonal if don’t want it to be. You could continue this hairstyle year round for as long as you want and still have the best look of everyone you know.

- Jack Johnson









NO EXCUSES
Old habits die hard, and If you’ve had the same type of “just add gel” hairstyle since you were a kid, it’s time to switch it up. Excuses like “my face is too fat,” “I have a weird shaped head,” “it wont work with my receding hairline,” “I’m too old,” or whatever other excuse you can think of is completely false and just an excuse. This hairstyle really has no flaws so get out of your comfort zone and try something new. When was the last time you remember getting a complement on your hairstyle from someone other than your mother? Like I’ve said before, this will only improve your look.

- George Clooney






EXTRAS
Having a tan with this hairstyle doesn’t hurt. If you are stuck inside all day and can’t get outside in the sun, feel free to spend the extra money you are now saving on a tanning pass. Salt & pepper is in. So if you have some grey hair and/or grey facial hair, this is the perfect hairstyle for you. Throw away all the hair dye and embrace your distinguished grey. (See George Clooney above).

And to prove I practice what I preach, I've included this photo of me from last summer.

THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE

It is a well known fact that I live in the very house that happens to be at the central connecting point of three local suburban cities known only as the "Bermuda Triangle". In this small triangular vortex (which oddly enough only includes my house) nothing is safe, not even simple cell phone service, even commercial air flights passing over head have even been known to briefly lose radio communications... okay I made up that last part, but I'm sure it's happened.

It doesn't matter if you have Verizon, AT&T, T-mobile, or a Zack Morris brick phone, it is next to impossible to complete a phone call. Any and all cellular phone calls attempted in this relatively tiny black hole are immediately dropped within the first few seconds, whether you are upstairs or downstairs it really makes no difference, there is little to no reception to be found. The "BT" does however allow just enough signal that you can see who is calling and allows the caller to leave a voice mail, even though I have no way to check the voice mail. The "BT" however, magnanimously allows me to send and receive all the text and picture messages I desire if only from one or two specific locations. So with that said, you can see that being able to communicate though text messages is my lifeblood and outside of the Internet it is the way I've been forced to communicate with friends & family 99% of the time. I can't begin to tell you how awesome text messaging is; in fact, it's so amazing that it deserves its own blog post, and it has to rank high in the conversation of greatest modern inventions of our time.
Still knowing all this, it's funny how many times friends and family members either forget, or figure I'm not at home, and decide to give me a call. What's not funny is the voicemail responses that I often get, things like, "call me.", "call me back.", "this is ___, call me.", or "dude, give me a quick call." My phone already lets me know that I missed your call, so if that's all you had to say could you not have just sent it to me as a text message? A text message in this situation would without question be easier and less time consuming for both parties and at this point is just plain common sense. It is 2010. If you don't have a text messaging plan or you don't know how to use text messaging, it is time to ask yourself why.
Anyway, this is a daily problem for not only me, but as you can imagine it's just as big of an issue for my wife as well, so when she saw this hilarious Lance Armstrong commercial she immediately brought it to my attention.

THE KING OF POP: ONE YEAR LATER

Today marks the one year anniversary of Michael Jackson's death; and now that the all the irritating, juvenile, and trendy Mj buzz has died down it may be okay to watch a few videos in his memory.

Again, I realize every time John Mayer opens his mouth he makes it impossible to like him or his music, but there is no getting past the fact that his amazing performance of Human Nature was the single best performance of the entire Michael Jackson memorial service.




Does this cover of Beat It feature a face melting Eddie Van Halen guitar solo like the original? No.
Does it contain a man with a mullet, Fedora, mustache, pockmarks, long A! fingernails, an acoustic guitar, and a semi-creepy, rouge colored, crushed velvet backdrop? Yes.




This next video features what may be the greatest and only love song ever written to a whale in the history of mankind. Is it also one of my favorite MJ songs? No comment.



PS. How is it okay that Michael Jackson wore white socks with black shoes and black pants?

JUNE 24TH: NATIONAL HANDSHAKE DAY

In honor of National Handshake Day here are my two favorite videos featuring high-fives and handshakes.

HIGH-FIVE! - watch more funny videos

THREE THINGS TO READ

- A People's History Of The United States



Forget that it's a history book, A People's History Of The United States is one of the best books you'll ever read. It easily ranks in my top five favorite books, and contains almost everything they should teach you in school, but don't.

- Rolling Stone Magazine's Decades Best List Issue



A must read if for no other reason than to give you something to debate and disagree on with your friends and spouse. Like all "best of" lists, it has its flaws, but with that said, it is one of the better and more accurate lists out there and is a must read.


- Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Nutrition Facts


After recently reading the nutrition facts of Kraft's Mac & Cheese, I realized: A. I am going to die a lot faster than I thought, and B. I need to consult my physician as soon as humanly possible. I've eaten this stuff for years and had no idea that I would have been better off running a hose from the exhaust pipe of my truck in through my widow while I ate a box of Twinkies. They should save everyone time and change the nutrition facts on the box into the form of a question, maybe something like, "When was the last time you updated your Last Will and Testament?"

ALBUM REVIEW: ANDREW W.K.: I GET WET

Have you recently read Rolling Stone Magazine's top 100 albums of the decade and wondered where in the H! Andrew W.K.'s "I Get Wet" is on the list? Well that makes three of us (my five-year-old nephew Taj loves this album and has confided in me that I Get Wet is his new favorite album). Besides being one of the greatest album covers of the decade, it is also an album that more than deserves to be on the list of top 100 albums of the decade. I purchased this album in 2003 as part joke, part curiosity, and part guilty pleasure. At first glance it is easy to discriminate and dismiss this album as rubbish and a waste of time, but upon further listening, this album is a complete and utter anomaly, there is nothing else quite like it. Don't make the mistake of judging this album by its cover.



Much like Tom Waits, or Daniel Johnston, Andrew W.K. is either an idiot savant or just a plain idiot; it's near impossible to find a middle ground. With song titles such as "It's Time to Party", "Party Hard", "Party til You Puke", "Fun Night", and "We Want Fun",
it might as well have a bright orange sticker on the cover that says "best served with alchohol" or "buy me frat-boy". Though, look a little closer and you will find an album that's underlining theme is pure, unadulterated optimism. In fact, when he's not partying til he pukes he can be found spending his free time as a motivational speaker and self-help specialist. Andrew W.K. isn't Ernest Hemingway, Nelson Mandella, or Stephen Hawking, he is however "The Prince of Party", "The Chancellor of Fun", and the architect and founder of the music genre called Partycore. I mean who doesn't want an adrenaline filled album that features karate chopping drum fills, hamstring pulling guitar riffs, mindless lyrics, and the use of the word party 65 times, and the word fun 67 times, all while containing only one single curse word?
This album is perfect for working out/running, parties, mosh pits, smashing a table to pieces, or some late night non-drowsy driving. It's even the perfect cure for a bad day or background music to key your ex's car to. I Get Wet is just another example of the fertile Michigan music scene and an album that will quickly show up on your guilty pleasures list if it isn't already on there. It is a cult classic that Pitchfork and Rhapsody among others are now finally giving it the respect it deserves.


PLEASE MOVE ANY NEARBY FURNITURE BEFORE PRESSING PLAY!

Can you count how many times the word "fun" is used?

For the ladies and the more sensitive of men here is an Andrew W.K. cover song

BEST & WORST UNIFORMS IN SPORTS: NBA EDITION

The Golden State Warriors are on the short list of teams competing for the title of worst uniforms currently worn in the NBA, and for as bad as these little orange numbers are, they are by no means even close to being the worst in the league.



It's a shame too, because with the exception of the current uniforms Golden State has been wearing since the late 90's, they have had a pretty good track record. This includes being the current holder of the coveted title of "GREATEST UNIFORMS OF ALL TIME" for "The City" uniforms that they wore from 1962 - 1971. These were the perfect uniforms in every way: unique logo/ jersey number combo on the front, and even more unique and original designed on the back that featured the jersey number inside a San Francisco cable car and the icing on the cake of having the players name below the jersey number/ cable car.



The good news is that today The Golden State Warriors announced that not only have they changed their colors back, but they are changing their logo back to a similar version of "The City" 1962 - 1971 masterpieces. I actually think this is an upgrade to that logo, it is more clean and direct. The accompanying uniforms won't be released for another month or two, but I can only hope they are going to keep with the current trend and go for a retro look that features the new logo, but keeps the back of the jersey identical to "The City" cable car jerseys. So with the new/retro colors and logo, they are halfway home. Let's just cross our fingers and hope they don't screw up the uniforms... again.



- The Utah Jazz are also changing things up. Last season they started wearing the retro green uniforms with the old logo and they were a huge success with the fans and players. They were such a fit among the fans that The Jazz would be wearing their home white jerseys and the fans in the crowd would be a sea of green.



They had already made the announcement during the season, so everyone saw this coming. The announcement today was more to make things official and show the new/retro logo. Similar to what Golden State is doing, they are just tweaking a retro logo; the only problem is they are already starting to do what the jazz do best: overdoing it. Instead of simply changing the logo from purple to blue they added some unnecessary green and gray accents to the lettering. If they are already making blunders with something as easy as a logo, the uniforms (that won't be released for two months) may end up a big ugly embarrassment. Like it's not already hard enough to get free agents to sign to play in Utah...




I think the secret to a good looking uniform is keeping a simple classic look, something that could have been worn and fit right in with past decades then adding something new and improved to it like a logo on the back of the jersey, butt of the shorts, bolder colors etc. With all the alternate uniforms and retros teams can wear now, there is no excuse to have ugly uniforms... and with that I give you
THE TOP THREE BEST & WORST UNIFORMS CURRENTLY IN THE NBA

BEST LIST:

- The Chicago Bulls

Clean cut, straight forward, classic looking uniforms updated with the shiny dazzle fabric a la The Iverson Philadelphia days. The Bulls have far and away the best shorts in the NBA.



I have received inside information, and personally believe that LeBron James will be signing with Chicago this off season for no other reason than to wear their uniforms.



- THE SAN ANTONIO SPURS

Simple color scheme that stand the test of time, swoop neck, perfect use of side paneling, and they have tastefully found a way to include the logo in the lettering. This may very well be the all around best jersey in the association.



- THE BOSTON CELTICS

These are everything you want in a uniform: traditional and simple. They honor the past, but have also updated them by adding the shamrock on the back.



HONORABLE MENTION: The Denver Nuggets, Portland Trail Blazers, and The Cleveland Cavilers with their 487 retro uniform combinations.

THE WORST LIST:

- The Washington Wizards:

In my early teens I read somewhere in Sports Illustrated for Kids that the then Washington Bullets wanted a less violent name and were taking a poll as to what the name should be. I think back then I liked the idea of The Washington Presidents. Anyway, kids sent in drawings and concept logos for the team from all over the country. I remember one of the options to name the team was the Wizards. I told my Mom verbatim: "This is the gayest name for a sports team I've ever heard, who would ever vote for that?! Look at this logo I could draw something better than this with my left hand!" So when the name was finally picked and I saw the logo, I couldn't believe it. Apparently not only did they want the worst name in the league, but I guess they thought it was important to run the entire gauntlet and also to have the worst logo and uniforms too. They chose teal and gold as their colors and have tried to church it up with adding black. Almost 15 years later and still going strong.





- The Milwaukee Bucks

Who in there right mind chooses the colors of Christmas as their teams year round colors?! I'll tell you who, The Milwaukee effing Bucks do! For a team that doesn't have a spotlighted game on Christmas day they sure do love the colors of December. For as long as I can remember the bucks have been a laughing stock, and for me it starts and ends with their uniforms.



Unspeakable things like the "Self High Five" only occur when you tempt the basketball gods by wearing the same thing as the elves in the North Pole.



- The Phoenix Suns

Like Golden State, this team was once the proud owner of some of the best uniforms in the league such as those worn by "The Round Mound of Rebound" Sir Charles Barkley







Much has changed since then, way too much actually. I don't know what to say about these things except I believe the creation of these uniforms was based on a dare... a late night, drunken, dare, that may or may not have also involved a high stakes poker game by the team owner. See for yourself.



DISHONORABLE MENTION: In a league full of uniforms containing way more misses than hits, there are too many to list.