February 2, 2011


Okay, campers, rise and shine, and don't forget your booties 'cause it's cooooold out there today. It's cold out there every day. What is this, Miami Beach? Not hardly.. There's another reason why today is especially exciting. Especially cold! Especially cold, okay, but the big question on every body's lips. On their chapped lips. Do ya think Phil is gonna come out and see his shadow?
That's right wood chuck-chuckers. IT'S GROUNDHOG DAY!

Have you seen Groundhog Day? Because if you have, you could always see it a little more. Am I right or am I right or am I right? Right? Right? Right?
I've seen Groundhog Day somewhere in the ballpark of 20 times over the last 18 years. At the risk of sounding cute, Groundhog Day is one of those movies that you just end up watching over and over and over. It is one of the prime examples of a "black hole movie". You know those movies that as you are flipping through channels you plan to do just a quick stop-and-peek, but instead it completely sucks you in. Despite your best intention to just watch it for only second you end up staying and watching the entire movie.
The 90's had a massive influx of classic comedies, and Groundhog Day is so flawlessly made that it easily cracks the 90's comedies top ten list. IMDB currently has Groundhog Day listed at #161 of the top 250 movies of all time. Like fellow 90's comedies The Big Lebowski, Dumb and Dumber, and Office Space the movie is a quote machine. If you can find me one person that has seen this film and doesn't like it send me their address and I will gladly punch that person in the face for being tasteless, having no sense of humor or brilliance, and for going out of their way to be a contrarian. Let's be honest, if you don't love Groundhog Day, it is either because you haven't seen it or you've been locked up for the last 20+ years, and between making license plates, solitary confinement, and spending quality time with "The Sisters" in the custodial closet you just can't find the time.

"You like your guys with prominent upper teeth?"

If my future psychiatrist is ever reading this trying to figure out where it all started to unravel and go south, let me clearly state for the record that it was three months ago to be exact. After watching some college football I was channel surfing and unavoidably got sucked into what may have very well been my 20th viewing of Groundhog Day. Growing up watching the film I naively assumed Phil Connors was stuck in Punxsutawney for the equivalent of one month, maybe two at the most. I didn't put all that much time or thought into it outside of that.
Yet, for some reason on my most recent viewing of Groundhog Day something clicked, I started logically thinking of how much time Phil may have really spent trapped in the belly button of Hell that is Punxsutawney. I tried to let it go, but it consumed the majority of my thoughts and I honestly lost sleep over it. At one point I wanted to schedule a meeting with my Stake President and get his insight and discuss this topic in the detail and reverence it deserves... Sadly my poor wife can fully attest to this. Regrettably, even my close friends and family can most likely give you the exact date this happened because in all likelihood they probably received ten or more frantic text messages and/or phone calls from me on this very topic.

Here is a picture The Mrs. may of may not have taken of me at somepoint during the last 3 months using complex string theory to try and solve "The Phil Connors Paradox".

The Mrs. was so sick of my pontificating and new found fascination with Groundhog Day that by day two she refused to discuss or deliberate with me on anything that had to do with that subject. As you can see over the last 90 days I've spent countless hours of calculation and analysis to come up with a little theory I like to refer to as "The Phil Connors Paradox".
So just how long was Phil Connors actually in Punxsutawney?

Tomorrow in GROUNDHOG DAY: PART 2, I will discuss in length and detail a theorem that takes into account 20 specific points of interest used to solve The Phil Connors Paradox. See you tomorrow... "What if there is no tomorrow?! There wasn't one today."

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