MAN CRUSH OF THE MONTH: JANUARY

JANUARY 2011
MARK WAHLBERG



Admit that you are just as uncomfortable reading about who my man crushes are as I am writing about them. But since you're already here and you're already reading you might as well finish. I promise I will keep this pretty compact.
Lets get the elephant out of the room right up front. Yes, I am perfectly aware my January man crush was once upon a time a white 90's rapper. I am also aware that he unfortunately had a posse named "The Funky Bunch". Yes, his older brother is a member of the New Kids On The Block, and yes, I know that he starred in the colossally bad M. Night Shyamalan movie "The Happening". Now before this thing starts to get to far off track I would like to interject that.. Okay fine, Yes, he also has a tattoo of Sylvester the cat and Tweety bird on his ankle. Now can we please move on already?! Thank you!

Yesterday the 2011 Oscar nominations were announced and among the notable Oscar snubs this year none were as blatant as Wahlberg's for his reserved role as Micky Ward in The Fighter. Mark single-handedly developed every aspect of that film start to finish, a labor of love that was nearly five years in the making. Along with being one of the top three films of last year, The Fighter also joins the short list of the greatest boxing movies ever made. So Why the snub? I just hope it doesn't have anything to do with his white rapping past.
I can't understand how the majority of the public won't let poor Marky's ridiculous past go, yet they don't think twice about giving a pass to other actors with a far more dubious track record. To prove my point, let's play a game called "Which Is Worse?" Here is how you play: I will compare two different actors by naming several different films they've acted in over the years and you tell me which one is worse.

Which is worse?
1997: Boogie Nights or Men In Black?
1998: The Big Hit or Enemy of The State?
1999: Three Kings or Wild Wild West?
2000: The Perfect Storm or The Legend of Bagger Vance?
2001: Rock Star or Ali?
2002: The Truth About Charlie or Men In Black II?
2003: The Italian Job or Bad Boys II?
2004: I Heart Huckabees or I Robot?
2005: Four Brothers or Hitch?
2006: The Departed & Invincible or The Pursuit of Happiness?
2007: The Shooter or I Am Legend?
2008: The Happening or Hancock?
2009: The Lonely Bones or Seven Pounds?
2010: The Fighter & The Other Guys or force feeding your children down our throats i.e. Jaden & Willow Smith?
Sports/Boxing film: The Fighter or Ali?
Oscar nominated/snubbed performances: The Departed & The Fighter or Ali & The Pursuit of Happiness?
Career acting low: The Happening or Wild Wild West?



Depending on your taste of movies or lack there of, except for a select few films and maybe one or two draws, the better resume is undoubtedly slanted in Marky Mark's favor. Now would you believe me if I told you If you that the actor in juxtaposition of Mark Wahlberg is the highest paid actor in Hollywood? Unfortunately it's all too true. I'm sure you guessed who the second actor was within the first few seconds, and if you guessed Will "The Fresh Prince" Smith than you guessed right.
Can anyone honestly say that Will Smith's rapping past as The Fresh Prince is any less egregious Than Mark Wahlberg's as Marky Mark?



Anyway, enough of Will Smith, lets talk man crushes.
Mark Wahlberg is basically Ryan Reynolds if Ryan picked halfway watchable movie roles. His Calvin Klein ads were as memorable as any CK ads before or since. Also as proven in the movie Fear he is so muscular that if he repeatedly punches himself in the chest it inexplicably creates a bruise. For more information on this topic please email Chrissy at cdav06@gmail.com.



My hope and silent prayer of my heart is that rather than trying to remember him as this:


We will instead remember him for his acting chops and getting nominated and snubbed for these:

Amen.

MAN CRUSH OF THE MONTH: JUNE

JUNE 2010
JOEL MCHALE



Anytime you are discussing a topic as uncomfortable as "The Man Crush" I think it's best to keep it as brief as possible. So I intend to do just that, but aside from writing, producing, hosting and practically resurrecting one of the best and funniest shows on TV, (The Soup), Joel McHale has plenty other resume builders that make him worthy of this month's man crush. Here are some quick facts you may or may not know:



Joel Mchale stands 6'4" and was a walk-on tight end for The University of Washington Huskies football team.
He Is currently staring in a sitcom along side Chevy Chase called "Community" which is pretty funny and definitely worth checking out. (Thanks Seth & Chrissy)



With the exception of habitually wearing super slim ties he is one of the best, if not the best dressed host on television today.
Also in recent years he has gotten pretty ripped and now has pecks bigger than my head.



Joel should be considered the poster child for all men with thinning and or receding hairlines, (like myself), on how to embrace and style your hair.
In addition to all his other roles he is also a successful stand-up comedian and is further proof that you don't need to rely on annoying, overdramatic physical comedy to make your act.. Dane Cook anyone?
He had a supporting role in one of my favorite films of 2009, the grossly underrated The Informant!
Maybe the best thing Joel brings to the table is his weekly onslaught of reality show, lowlife, trendy celebrities like Paris Hilton, The Hills cast, Jon & Kate Gosselin, the Kardashian's, and of course, his distaste for Ryan Seacrest.



Joel Mchale is one of the proud few taking up arms in the fight against Hollywood's finest tabloid fodder. And for that, he is this month's Man Crush.

MAN CRUSH OF THE MONTH: MAY

MAY 2010
TOM BRADY



I think less is more when describing my Man Crush of the Month. So I'll keep it short & sweet. Whether you want to agree with it or not, Tom Brady is a great underdog story. A lot of people forget...
He was a backup his first two years at Michigan.
He wasn't drafted until the sixth round of the 2000 NFL Draft (199th pick).
Tom started the 2000 season as the fourth string quarterback.
Yet, the next year, in only his second season in the NFL, he won his first Super Bowl and was named the MVP.
Did you know? Tom was also drafted as a catcher in the 18th round of the 1995 MLB Draft by the Montreal Expos.



Besides being able to feed and cloth the hungry and poor with just the glance of his eye, it is rumored that he has also found a cure for cancer. Anyway, I will let his stats do the talking for this month's man crush.



NFL RECORD & STATS
Highest total passing touchdowns in a regular season: 50 (2007)
Highest total passing touchdowns in a season: 56 (2007)
Highest total passing touchdowns in a single quarter: 5 (2009)
Highest completion percentage in a single game: 92.9% (2007)
Largest touchdown to interception difference: +42 (2007)
NFL record for most consecutive wins in post season: 10 (2001, 2003, 2004)
Tied for most completions in a Super Bowl: 32 (XXXVIII)
Most career Super Bowl completions: 100 (XXXVI, XXXVIII, XXXIX, XLII)
Most games with three or more touchdown passes: 12 (2007)
Most touchdown passes in a month: 20 (October 2007)
Only quarterback to start and win 3 Super Bowls before his 28th birthday.
Most career overtime wins without a defeat: 7-0
Most consecutive playoff wins by a quarterback: 10 (2001, 2003, 2004)
Most consecutive completions to start a career without an interception: 162
Only quarterback to have 3+ passing touchdowns in 10 straight games.
Three Super Bowl victories and one lucky pass/catch away from having his 4th.






In all fairness to prove he isn't without blemish I saved this video for last. The first few stiff, akward opening seconds of this video is priceless.
How does this video not have one million hits?!